All About Moe
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: In the same vein as "All About Lisa", but this time, the focus is on Moe and is told from his point of view.


All About Moe

All About Moe

Note: Inspired by the parody of "All About Eve", a classic film based on a young woman who becomes a starlet and self-absorbed…But in this case, we get to know Moe on a different basis at a more private and intimate level. It answers the question, "What if Moe never met Lynn Marie ?"

"I ask myself…how things could be different or what I could've said to prevent this all from happening. My answer: Nothing, and truthfully, I can say I am happy in knowing I did the best I could with the talents I possess."—Unknown

Chapter 1—What If Scenario

There are times in every man's life when he starts asking himself questions. The worst moment he has is when he wonders if there could be anything he could've done in order to prevent horrible events from occurring. This time, the question I find myself asking is: What if I never met my dear Lynn Marie? How would my life be different than it is now ?

I know that like my dear dad, I was a grouchy, crotchety man with discontent and distaste for humanity. I didn't have many friends and I only allowed myself the company of animals as well as a taste of beer, champagne or wine now and then. But nothing I think could compare to the sorrow I would have if Lynn had never found me that fateful day at Pierre DuLane's Dance Studio. True, I still dance there, but I don't compete. We won our trophy fair and square and that's what the most important. Shaking the scenario of heart-crushing loneliness from my mind, I snuggle close to Lynn and feel her delicate heart beating underneath my hand. Her skin is smoother and softer than rose petals, so tender to the touch. Sighing, I nuzzle her neck and whisper "I love you" to her in Polish. Closing my eyes, the nightmare that was consuming my thoughts leaves me and I am awash in peace once more. If this is heaven, I wonder what paradise above is like.

Chapter 2—Left Behind

As I awoke, I sighed blissfully as I began to pull Lynn Marie close to my beating heart. But when I opened my eyes, she wasn't there. I didn't freak out initially until I saw a note on her pillow. I trembled as I began to read it.

"Dear Morris,

It is with a terribly heavy heart that I write these words. I love you dearly, but sadly, there is no more passion burning between the two of us. The children and I have decided to leave you. We wish you all the best of happiness. Sincerely, Lynn Marie."

I crumpled up the note in my hands and bellowed…

"Damn you, must you take every good thing from me, God ?!"

As I beat my fists on the pillows in futility, my whole body shook with sobs. Even my beloved dog, Bosco, was gone. As I got myself out of bet, I kicked aside an imaginary rock in frustration and clenched my fists. Then, I realized it was pointless to remain angry. I had gotten my rage out of my system but I was wracked with inconsolable sorrow. There were photos all over the house of Lynn, Francine and Maurice everywhere. No matter where I looked, there we were: a happy, healthy, blessed family and now those photographs seemed to be laughing at me.

"Don't look at me like that ! Stop staring !", I said, as I held my aching head and staggered back to my favorite rocking chair. I buried my face into my hands and wept, wondering when the tears would stop and then I could no longer cry. No matter how hard I tried, my tears had run dry. Strangely, when I opened my eyes, all my pictures of my wife and children were gone and only my photos remained (which weren't many). I was beginning to become unnerved. I had to get out of the house, immediately. There was only one place I could go to talk to my closest friends, my own tavern.

Chapter 3—Friendly Consolation

As I drove to the back of the tavern and opened up shop, the usual suspects had entered. There was Lenny and Carl, always together, and never apart (and don't think I didn't know why, and at this time, I was…oddly, secretly envious), Homer, the local barfly, and a few others I couldn't quite remember.

"Why so down and out, Moe ?", Homer asked, trying to give me solace as he usually did. If I hadn't known any better, I would swear that in another life, he might've been a brother, or if I stretch my imagination, perhaps a father to me.

"Wife and kids left me. See this note ?", I said, holding out the piece of paper, which was still in tact despite the fact that it was wrinkled.

"God, Moe…I didn't know !", Homer said, shocked.

"Yeh, real shame. Don't know why she didn't do it earlier. I mean _look _at me. I'm an utter disaster.", I bellyached, slamming my fist on the serving table. Homer put both hands on my shoulders.

"You aren't. I mean, hell, you've got us right ? Screw her !", Homer declared, loudly, even so people in Shelby County could hear.

"Someone else is !", came a weasely voice in the corner and an awkward silence came over the room momentarily. I glowered, but then, found myself laughing out loud for no reason whatsoever. The rest of the men laughed raucously and I began to serve beer, this time on the house. Not because I could but because I _felt _like it. Even if I never found another love in my entire life, I wasn't going to be living the rest of my days in misery. If I did that, I was allowing my depression to win and to be honest, I felt like that was a cop out and a cowardly way to "live".

Chapter 4—Can It Be ?

It had been a long-ass night at the tavern and I came back home feeling a bit empty, but that wasn't unexpected. I trudged into my room, dragging my feet across the floor until _plop_; I landed in bed and was out like a light. By the time the sun filtered into my room, I opened my eyes slowly and allowed the blurred images of my empty room adjust into focus. I felt a soft hand upon my shoulder and I smiled momentarily.

"It's just my imagination…Lynn's gone.", I thought to myself but when I placed my own hand upon what I felt to be a phantom limb, I turned to meet the most beautiful sight I had seen in all my years of life. Her long black hair cascaded past her shoulders, her luscious red lips revealed her genuine smile.

"Morning, handsome.", she purred, kissing my neck, which made me shiver.

"Thank God, it was only a nightmare.", I thought, relieved. If neither one of us had each other, I think we would both be six feet under right now. She and I both suffer from clinical depression and there are times that it is a battle to wake up and go on living. But, should either one of us fall into the pitfall of that sort of unending darkness, either I will hold my wife close to me and whisper "It'll be alright" to her, or she'll do the same to me. And it works like a charm. Those reassuring words and her touch are just the things to keep me vital and knowing I have kids that love me make me realize that yes, even miracles can happen to one who was skeptical in such things to begin with.

Epilogue 

As Lynn, Francine and Maurice hug and kiss me goodbye, Bosco head-butts me to get my attention.

"Lemme guess…Breakfast ?", I questioned, and his wagging tail couldn't be more obvious. After he and I enjoyed a heart meal, we had our typical walk, came back home, went out to Pierre Dulane's for a lesson and returned home for dinner before work. I sighed peacefully as I watched my children played Monopoly with Lynn, laughing.

"Come on, dad…come play with us !", Maury beckoned, waving me into the family room. Without any more encouragement, I sat down and relished playing with them but as usual, Maury was the one who won. I think he purposely chose Monopoly if and only for that reason, but I didn't care. I held my children close to me, kissing their foreheads and thanking my lucky stars that I have moments like these in my life. I'll never once more doubt that I am fortunate or loved.

Morris Chester Syzslak


End file.
